Soft Discipline

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Most mornings, I wake up before I need to. I meditate, visualize my day and some goals, turn on my computer, drop some coins into charity boxes, chew two digestive enzymes, and read a couple pages of spiritual inspiration. As I work, I drink a quart of warm water with lime juice and a scoop of magnesium powder. I say morning prayers. By 10 AM, I could have easily put in five hours so I grab a hard boiled egg or two to tide me over until lunch. I like to get things done in the morning and wait to eat a meal until I can sit and relax. I work out for forty minutes to an hour while my kids do their schoolwork. I drink some more, get washed up and make lunch. While lunch is cooking, I teach. After lunch, my kids finish their school work while I clean and take care of household things. Maybe I have food soaking or simmering to have dinner ready on time. Perhaps an errand in between. After dinner, everyone goes to their own area for their device of choice for entertainment. Mine is the television. During this time, I like to do something nice for myself, like do my nails or even a small strengthening exercise, like a hand gripper. I say evening prayers, plan breakfast and defrost or soak something for the next day. Wash up, take care of my skin, massage a little oil into my hair and scalp and go to bed.

Why?

I don’t have to do most of this. I work from home on my own schedule. I teach from home. I eat well, so I don’t need to do much to get a good workout and be fit. I am no longer striving for the perfection I was never able to attain. I’m actually surprised by how full, efficient and structured my day sounds because I’m an easygoing person. I’ve never understood why people train for marathons and run when they don’t have to or are not capable of relaxing when they feel they could be doing something productive. I think I may actually like the structure I’ve created. It provides a feeling of security and flow. The key is that I’m not a slave to it. I refer to this as soft discipline.

The Soft Discipline Alternative

Let’s pick apart my morning routine. Maybe my stomach is a bit unsettled when I wake up so I have a hot drink instead. If my body tells me to eat, then I eat breakfast. There have been times where my adrenals were begging me for a nap instead of a workout. So that’s what I did. Then, as of recent, there has been Merlow.

Merlow is the sweet, mellow, gentleman of a dog we are caring for this month. He’s the perfect dog for people who have never owned a dog. He’s like a cat that comes when you call his name. But Merlow has needs. He has 15 minute walks three times per day up and down our hill that are regularly timed to digesting his food. And that’s great. The weather is beautiful. I waited all winter to complain about how hot it is. Our excursions end early when he gets overheated. Merlow turns into a werewolf at night. He guards our safety by growling and barking at the noise of outdoor wildlife, other dogs, and the night nurse that slips into the apartment across the hall. After a few days of this, I was so tired, I spent much of Thursday talking myself into a good mood. By Friday morning, I knew it was late and still stayed in bed for another 20 minutes. At 8:20, I felt better and got myself up. No, I did not get any work done, except for blogging in my head. That’s fine.

Prepping For Failure = Planning For Success

I’ve always been a strategizer. Plan well to reap rewards and rest later. Not for my schooling, mind you. I handed in a last minute term paper printed in purple ink due to poor planning and procrastination. I’m talking about being an 8 year old, ready to race to be the first in line to bob for apples at a Halloween party so I wouldn’t have to stick my face into a pool of someone else’s spit. I didn’t even like apples then but that was not the point.

I home school my kids all year and give smaller vacation breaks. It helps them retain information better but it also has allowed us room to take days off to visit relatives any time we like. We can run a fun errand at the last minute. We’ve had clusters of midday appointments. They can get stuck on something challenging in their schoolwork and not fall behind. I’ve planned by padding the school year with extra days. It gets done.

Grocery day often means coming home late, so I plan fun fast dinners while at the store. Avocado verde, precut carrot chips, bags of tostones, and glorified snacks that seem healthier than they are because Whole Foods carries them. Even French chef Jacques Pepin surprised me by including premade bread dough in recipes for easy meals in his latest cookbook. If we demolish our produce boxes from Misfits Market before our next delivery, I make clean the fridge soup with whatever is on hand.

Soft Discipline As A Lifestyle

I just received a bill with a note that the previous month’s usage was being added on, as it was unpaid. What? I got into my “Mary Poppins is never sacked” mode and took out my register. I see where I wrote the name of the bill and next to it is………no confirmation number. I pay most of my bills at once and must have skipped over that one. I offended myself by not paying a bill on time. Then I stopped. It’s not a big deal. I have the funds to take care of it. Even if there was a penalty fee, it would be fine. I always am. It’s the whole idea of being in the naughty chair and I’m doing it to myself. No one else cares; certainly not a faceless entity.

The dishwasher is loaded and doesn’t hold everything. The girls can unload and reload the rest that sits in the sink overnight. Don’t worry, it will still be there in the morning. Til then, I sleep the dreamless sleep of the innocent.

This week is my daughter’s birthday. You know how birthdays go. It’s often not just one day of treats. I had ice cream this morning. I’m going to have cupcakes on Wednesday. Her friends will probably send over something nice. I’ve been great with my eating habits but I’m going to enjoy snacks. I’m not going to eat until I feel gross, and I’ll balance it out with healthy meals. But if someone is handing out little peanut butter cups, I would like some, please.

I also say “no”. This is going to be a fast point. Can I contribute to a potluck at the last minute? No. Do I want to do the thing that I don’t want to do? No. Saying no takes discipline and it doesn’t have to be harsh.

Soft Discipline For Others

I have a girlfriend who punctually arrives at late o’ clock. She’s a much better person than I am and probably you are, if we’re going to be real. I had the privilege of riding with her as she went about her day. Her car was a vehicle of kindness. In between taking care of her family’s dry cleaning, returning items to stores, shopping and substitute teaching, she’s driving around the disabled, running errands for other people and pulling over to offer acquaintances rides. She’s spread out thinly but not a scattered person. The next time she invites me to make plans, I’ll just keep my shoes off until she’s in front of my house.

Soft Discipline For Kids

Children deserve their own section. At some point, I’ll write a more comprehensive viewpoint on parenting but for now, I’ll approach the controversial subject of children’s birthday parties. There’s a health blogger who wrote about all of the sugar, artificial coloring and other chemicals in the food that was served at a birthday party her young daughter was invited to. The response of her followers was surprising. While people joined her page because of her health tips, the subject turned to what they believed was a lack of manners in publicly shaming someone who invited her over as a guest. I silently agreed. More than one person wrote that they would never have her or her daughter over. And these are people who agree with her stance on nutrition.

I am not saying that it is healthy for children or anyone, for that matter, to eat junk food. And there are cases where they are especially detrimental to some people, who cannot consume these foods at all. In the latter situation, where I have been before, I recommend doing everything you can to make sure that child has something comparable to enjoy. For the rest of the time, let’s look at the big picture. Do you think that not letting your child eat party food will pay off in the long run or will it lead to a power struggle and sneaking forbidden foods? Growing up, parties were either Burger King or pizza, a Carvel ice cream cake with a character drawn in icing, and a party bag with a few snacks and toys. Probably some chips and pretzels if it was at someone’s house. We liked the food but we also came to play and watch presents being opened. The food wasn’t a huge deal but it would have been, had one of us been told that we couldn’t have any. It would have lessened our enjoyment if our parents were tense and complaining about what was served.

Now, back then, no one had food allergies. This was the PB&J generation. However, there also wasn’t pesticide free food commercially available and people had not yet returned to the farm to table mentality. What could you do now to create that soft discipline of balance between what is physically and emotionally good for your family? Could you give your kids a huge breakfast with food and treats you both love so that they’re not arriving to the party hungry? My kids used to be allergic to corn, which once you start reading labels, you’ll notice is in many many food items. We found a corn free, peach flavored, gummy pizza. What the heck. I bought it, they ate it, the spell was broken. Life went on. Maybe they would have loved it and wanted more. Hopefully I’d roll with that too.

Living Soft Discipline With Grace

We can’t always control what happens and certainly not the behavior of people around us but we can have grace. Sometimes we’re really not good at something. An injury can impede our ability to work or exercise normally. That rigidity within us that believes something should be done a particular way is demolished by someone with their own ideas and beliefs. A tightly clenched existence is a rough way to live. Living with soft discipline means more of being kinder to ourselves in this world, rather than trying to run it.