Should I Ask Him To Marry Me?

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We all know that show with the shoes, where the strong single woman asks her boyfriend/baby daddy to marry her. He gleefully accepts, and they have a quasi-romantic modern wedding. Is that you? Have you been waiting for him to ask? Are you wondering if he’s just not that into you? Are you sure he’s the one, and the heck with it, just want to ask? Should you ask your guy to marry you?

Are You Prepared for Him To Say No?

This is where being a woman is a huge strength. Men still do much of the asking for dates and marriage. It isn’t easy to say no, but it’s much worse to be the one that “no” is said to. Not asking = No rejection. Would you be able to recover from this after a period of healthy sadness? Will it ruin your relationship? If it is a matter of closure for a relationship that isn’t progressing the way you want, then it could accomplish that, as long as it’s worth the risk. Only you can decide that.

Ask Only If You’re Okay With Being The One Who Proposed

Huh? Let me ask you something. Do you have a dream of the love of your life planning and tailoring a well thought out proposal? Something that only a person close to you would know you would like? Are you going to feel okay, or even happy, when people ask how he proposed? Do these thoughts affect you emotionally in a downward manner? Could you easily forgo the experience of being asked and the aftermath?

Are you going to scan their faces for judgement as you explain how you popped the question? Will your fiance feel uneasy and possibly robbed of the experience of taking a traditionally male role? We’re not talking politics or what society dictates to each gender. It comes down to what works for the two of you.

Now, let’s get a little more heavy. Will you spend your engagement, wedding, and life, wondering if he would have ever gotten around to asking? Did he feel like he had no choice, short of losing you, so he settled? Are you rationalizing that he’s too shy and passive to ask, and you’re a modern woman, who makes things happen? Do you feel secure in his love and attraction for you, so it’s the best decision you could have ever made?

What’s The Alternative?

If you are still shaky on asking, you could have a gentle sit down. No harsh ultimatums. I think if the conversation becomes too emotionally charged, he’s going to feel cornered, pressured and defensive. It’s really okay to say,

“I love you and I know you love me too. I believe I will make a good wife and mother. But I only want to do that with someone who wants marriage. I would never push you into doing that if it’s not what you want because I would like to be with someone who is excited about being married to me.”

If you would like to give him a little time to think about it, you could add,

“I’m not going anywhere right now, but I hate to think of our relationship as having an end. At some point, I’m going to have to find someone who wants the same things. I’d like it to be you, but I can’t talk you into doing something that’s not happening naturally.”

It’s up to you to decide if there’s going to be a time frame and if you have the strength to follow through and walk away.

Bucking Tradition

Doing something that goes against what normally occurs in society can often be matched with mixed feelings. I ask a lot of questions because it really is up to you to make the big decision to ask, or to wait, possibly indefinitely. What is right is what feels good for the both of you.