Dispose Of A Crib Mattress For Only $700
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I live in a condo that uses a management company . The management company has rules. These rules change from time to time. As a good citizen, I check in to make sure I am following these rules. When I decided to throw out a crib mattress that I had been using to pad something, I called the doorman to see if it was too big to leave with the larger trash items in the basement. “No problem.” he said. “Just leave a security deposit for $200 so the super can line the elevator with padding.” Fine, I know I get my money back. “And,” he added “Another $500 because you’re moving yourself.” I’m well aware this building is very into legalities and insurance but this is weird. “I can carry this down the stairs out the back door and we can skip the whole thing,” I told him. He told me that it’s still considered moving and I might as well take the elevator.
“Oh, and remember to call sanitation to pick it up Thursday morning. You can bring it down around 1 PM Wednesday. I’ll call you when the elevator is ready.” “But Tuesday is another pickup day and that’s tomorrow. Can’t I do it then?” “No Miss. You have to file the paperwork first for the request to book the elevator. If you bring me down the checks now, we can get everything going today.” I’m not one to berate people hired to carry out instructions and I know this doorman for well over 10 years. During an emergency unprecedented evacuation at the height of COVID, he delegated instructions to the staff, banged on doors until his knuckles were bloody and helped an elderly woman down the stairs. I just sucked it up and did what I needed to do. “You know something,” I mostly not jokingly said. “I should have just broken this mattress up one little piece at a time and thrown it out over the course of a week in with the regular garbage.”
It’s fortunate that I distanced myself emotionally from this ridiculous situation because now I had to speak with sanitation. She told me where to leave the mattress and that I should bring it out the night before around 6 PM. “Is 1 PM okay?” I asked. “Why would you want to leave it downstairs so early?”, she replied. “Well, you see, my building doesn’t allow moving after 1PM and I had to put down a $700 deposit to book and pad the elevator two days in advance because I’m moving this myself.” “For a crib mattress?”, she asked incredulously. “Yeah. Funny, right?”, I asked. “Yeah.”, she replied politely. “Just make sure that the mattress is completely wrapped in plastic or they won’t pick it up and you’ll have to bring it inside and book the appointment again.” I was completely unprepared for the possibility of bringing it back into the building and the building rules that go with that.
Which brings me to the new issue of wrapping the mattress. The sanitation company does not want anything that could spread infestation of bedbugs, so that crib mattress must be tightly sealed. Where was I going to find a bag large enough to put it in? I’m about as tall as a crib mattress, so I looked for something around my apartment that could fit the width of two of me. Growing up in buildings, we always used shopping bags, which easily fit down the chute. I had some white garbage bags, probably purchased when purging old belongings. I split several open and mummified the thing.
Wednesday morning, I’m dressed early and ready for my 1 PM phone call. I tend to pace around before appointments, cleaning things. At 11:30, someone knocks at my door. It’s the super. He asks about the mattress. “It’s right here,” I said, pulling it out from behind the door. “It’s for a baby?,” he laughs. He tells me I can bring it down now and leads the way. I grip on to the mattress, waddling behind him. I make up logical reasons as to why he isn’t helping me. We go into the basement and out into the parking lot, through the gate and onto the designated area near the tree on the left. Done.
I look outside the next day. It’s gone. Got my checks back. What could be easier than that?
