I Love Television
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Man, I love tv. I should really watch more of it. You’re not supposed to say that because people will think you’re stupid but thanks to a large and consistent dose of screen time, I now possess an ample knowledge of dated pop culture. I regret not one hour of this.
Fortunately, I come with a matching sister. Since her job doesn’t involve narcissistic rhetoric like mine requires, she would go to work and school and I would fill her in on what she missed on television. She got me started on Grey’s Anatomy and that is how I thanked her. I feel that we’re all pretty fortunate that Shonda Rhimes became a tv writer and not a serial killer, with her penchant for offing her main characters. Thanks to that, the cast became a diluted version of the original and I checked out years ago. I read a recap of season 16. I would have been on the edge of my seat if I knew who any of these people were. Then my sister cut the cable wire and switched to Netflix. Now we have much less to talk about.
Movies suck; tv is awesome. I write this while looking over my shoulder. Not long ago, I posted on my sister’s Facebook page that the movie The Jerk had a much better ending than Gone With The Wind. My high school film teacher saw the post! I got the nicest tongue lashing ever. I thrive off of such confrontation.
I have been to the movies twice in twenty years to see films not geared towards children. Mission Impossible 2, where I kept thinking the movie was over and readying myself to stand up was one and The Matrix Reloaded was the other. I’m trying to be nice about the second one. I just haven’t wanted to see anything. I’d go to action movies if I was invited along but to me, relaxation is a higher level of happiness than excitement. I don’t want to watch people freeze on a mountain or get stuck in the Holland Tunnel when it ruptures. I’m not one for romantic films, though they comprise most of my list of Movies That Don’t Suck. My friend used up all of her suggestions when she put on Steel Magnolias. It was awful. A few years later, she wanted to see The Bridges of Madison County (I know) and I squirmed around in my seat so much that she asked if I wanted to leave. Yes I did. It turns out that she didn’t mean it because she went back another time to see it again. I feel good about my decision. No dead dog movies for me either. It doesn’t fix a thing if the couple adopts the last surviving puppy from the late Wolfgang’s litter in the end. I could write an entire paragraph on how Nicholas Sparks’ homicidal tendencies rival Shonda’s but The Notebook gets a free pass because the ending is the best way to leave this world. I didn’t watch the end credits thinking, “Why bother going on?”
Quarantine has brought a beautiful season of tv watching for me. I like to do cardio after dinner and a good show makes it go by faster. I was running out of shows when I put on one of the 90 Day Fiance series on TLC. Loved it. I normally refrain from most reality shows. I’m not into contests and I can’t bear to see people get “Chopped”. I don’t watch housewife frenemies wish each other the worst. But you know something, I can get behind people who really want to be together. It’s kind of a messy way of going about it but it often works and it’s pretty entertaining. And that Pillow Talk afterwards? For those of you who don’t know what that is, former cast members comment on a play by play of that nights episode. Why would anyone want to watch the same show twice? Trust me, you do. It’s more fun than the original airing. And don’t think I had nothing to say when the producers moved the intelligently witty Tim and Veronica around for less air time. Tim is a favorite because we hate the same things. This show wasn’t supposed to be a success but it is. It’s fun re-watching the episode with my tv pals as Libby dresses in her traditional Moldovan wedding attire that makes me think she’s going to eat a gingerbread house. Then she put on the headpiece and looked so beautiful. Molly and Cynthia are sometimes these 1950’s type housewives with rollers in their hair and coffee mugs. Sometimes they’re Beavis and Butthead. America needs both.
On days when the 90 Days empire wasn’t airing, I tuned in to Lifetime and started re-watching Married At First Sight. I promised myself I wouldn’t go there again after I got uncharacteristically too involved in Season 1. Maybe it’s because Jason Carrion is from my hometown but I didn’t want to get dragged up and down by any more couples. I had seen bits of other seasons and was wondering how some of these people slipped through the cracks. This season was really good, especially with Amelia and Bennett, the most esoterically easygoing couple I have ever seen.
With social distancing and shows having real spouses kiss during love scenes, I wonder what’s going to happen to reality television. There was a cooking contest last night where all of the contestants were in different locations. How did anyone taste the food? People can’t visit the person they’re dating or even married to on these 90 Days shows. But I will say this, as long as eating in front of the television remains one of life’s great pleasures, I’m certain there will always be something more entertaining that going to bed at a decent hour.
